Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Olde Tyme

I just joined AARP – the American Association of Retired People (or persons…I don’t remember because apparently at this age your memory begins to fade). And joining AARP has actually had a more profound affect on me than tuning 50 did.

AARP has been sending me their junk mail since last January of 2008, because 2008 marked the 50th year since the year of my birth. But because I didn’t turn 50 until the 10th month of the year, I just kept throwing it out. I was too young. I didn’t yet qualify. Then when I did turn 50, I didn’t want to join because it made me feel old. So I threw it out again.

But these AARP bastards are persistent little retired people or persons, because they KEPT ON SENDING CRAP. So today I went on the website to see what there was to see. Oh. Yes indeed.

I guess a great number of retired people or persons are not well versed in the ways of the Internet. How can I explain – okay, try this: If web sites were to be compared to books, the average web site is an easy to follow novel like you’d get for a long flight. Maybe like a romance novel or something. Easy, not too in-depth. And then there are some web sites are murder mystery level – a little harder to follow but worth it in the end. The AARP site? It’s the Dick and Jane First Grade Reader of web sites. “See big button. Click big button. Blink, button, blink. Oh no! Do not click the button twice!” It was insulting. Even the type was bigger than most sites. It’s the Dick and Jane BIG PRINT web site. Jesus, I feel old, and I think I need a nap.

But I signed up nevertheless and now I am a card-carrying member of AARP. I can get discounts on movies, Depends and Early Bird Specials at the South Bay Diner. Well, maybe just the movies. I still eat dinner no earlier than 7 PM, and the Depends thing – well perhaps I need to stop joking about them because given how karma works it may just come back to haunt me, a retired people or person, down the road.

But there is one nagging thing about being a member of AARP -- I am not yet retired, and the "R" in "AARP" stands for "retired" after all. As in no longer working. Able to play golf or fish or sleep any time you want. Retired. But with the economy the way it is and since everyone keeps telling me that by the time I am eligible to collect Social Security the pot will be so dry that all I’ll get is $11.87 and a free block of government cheese each month, it doesn’t look like I’ll be retiring any time soon anyway. Maybe I’ll start AARPOPWAETRBCAT – The American Association of Retired People or Persons Who Are Eligible to Retire But Can’t Afford To. I’ll be sending out my literature soon. Once I figure out how to print this…

Copyright (c) 2008 Leslie R Becker

1 comment:

Joanne said...