Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Is There ANY Symptom Of Menopause That I DON’T Have?

It is 1:33 AM and I am sitting at my computer, unable to sleep, which is a symptom of menopause. I alternate between shorts and a tee and a sweatshirt and flannel pajama bottoms because of the menopause-induced hot flashes. I cannot focus on any one thing because…menopause robs you of that skill.

I gained 30 pounds in a year in spite of not having changed a thing about my diet or (lack of) exercise. Then one sleepless night while looking up “menopause” I discovered that sudden weight gain was also a menopause thing. Oh-my-God.

Lately I have been sneezing. I mean, really sneezing. Those come-from-your-belly sneezes that feel like you are going to sneeze up a gut. And I don’t just sneeze two, three times. Oh no. Multiple times a day I sneeze between 15 and 25 times in succession.

And now I am wheezing. So as I sit here, fat and alternately hot and cold, as I sit here, wheezing in-between sneezes, I did a search for “menopause and wheezing” and sonofabitch if it isn’t another damn symptom of menopause.

I tell you, if men had to go through this there would be a cure -- or at least a panacea for my troubles.

I have to go now. Although I don’t know why because I can’t focus, but I think I do just the same because I need to find some tissues, a snack, a fan, a sweater and an inhaler.

Copyright (c) 2009 Inkwell Television

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